My New Normal

While the fourth of July was yet another wonderful celebration of the freedoms we enjoy in this country, it was also the first day of the rest of my life. Yes. The rest of my life of self-administering the treatment for my newly diagnosed life challenge: MS. What began as a simple phone call from the pharmaceutical company was followed by several mailers including a welcome package, a travel medicine kit, an injector kit (which I quickly kicked to the curb--I’d rather do it myself and see what’s happening--but I’m getting ahead of myself…) and an information packet with drug facts and hints. These were complimented by several phone calls from the CVS Caremark pharmacy and nurses to see how I was doing, if I had questions, or any reactions, etc. WHEW! If I wanted to take this lightly like it was no big deal…the pharmaceutical company wasn’t going to let me miss the fact that I will now be on their drug for possibly the rest of my life!

All that to say, I was a bit squimish at first. Sure, I give shots all day long, to other people…but there is just something disturbing about approaching your own skin with a sharp object…intentionally! I admit, I was a little whiny the first few times. But to my surprise and delight, IT DIDN’T HURT! My incredible blessing of a roommate, Linn, was the perfect supervisor and cheerleader for the first two weeks, until I got into a routine. She would eagerly attend my “shot nights” and clap when I was finished! Haha…so funny.

I will praise the Lord for answering the prayers of so many of you…I have not had any side effects (barring the one night I forgot to take ibuprofen before my shot and woke up a 2am with shaking chills that lasted for a couple of hours—you can bet I haven’t made THAT mistake again!) Other than the shots, I wouldn’t even know I have MS. My vision is restored and my eye pain is gone. I get tired more easily but I think that is just because I haven’t worked out in FOREVER…because…..

I’ve been moving to my NEW HOUSE!!! Yeah! The Lord has lavished a fun new house on me and blessed me with one and possibly two wonderful roommates!! Linn made the move with me and Jessica may be joining us in November!! It has been a crazy adventure and very time consuming. But we’ve gotten most everything finished and the only room left that needs work…is mine! I still have a floor full of pictures and papers and odds and ends. But every other room is largely complete with the exception of some much needed wall art.

We have Bob (philodendron), Lily (peace lily), and Patty (petunia)…our three house plants. And we’ll be getting a forth for the dining room soon, a banana plant. Anyone want to name it?

Often, at some point during the day, Linn or I will inevitably make a comment about the fact that we really get to live here. In this wonderful place. And that it’s really mine?! It only takes a Saturday to realize, yes, I AM responsible for this place: I cut the back yard last weekend. I fought with the lawnmower and the hose wheel. I weeded the front planters. And tomorrow, I’ll begin sealing the garage floor. Ha!

Stay tuned because I want to have a house dedication. A night where I intentionally “give it back” to the One from Whom it came. A night where we can walk through each room and pray for how the Lord would use that space for His glory. A night of thanksgiving to God for His gracious gift. And a night of fellowship with one another, which I hope to be a regular occurrence in this place.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

You Have Me

I was delightfully introduced to this band recently by a sweet friend and I have latched on to this song. It is so musically beautiful and the words are so powerful for me. I hope you enjoy! Click on the song title to listen to a fun live version on Youtube. Oh, the internet :)


You Have Me
Gungor

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there

I've wandered at heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
You were there still

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely

One week and a day.

Well it's been a week since my "diagnosis" of multiple sclerosis, found only because I woke up last Tuesday largely unable to see out of my left eye. I still have that problem. It's been a busy week with house stuff (we close on July 15th and move in on the 24th!!!) and work, but it's been a good week. I've done pretty well adjusting to my lack of depth perception and happily the crazy sensitivity to light has gone away! I even did three surgeries this week. It feels good to be back in the O.R. and I can still do my job. I just don't want to spend all day in surgery at this point because it's not the best idea and it's a strain on my "good" eye. Still, I'm so thankful I'm not sitting at home contemplating all the unknowns of MS. Because they are just that. Unknown.

I've gotten multiple calls, kits, injectors, and helps from what will be my new medication people. I'll start my beta-interfuron injections next week on Monday Wednesday and Fridays. That leaves no weekend injections. YAY! It seems pretty easy and the kit is pretty self explanatory. The only thing I'm praying for is little to no side effects from the medicine, which can range anywhere from injector site reactions, to flu-like symptoms, to...suicidal ideations. Hm. Lovely.
All in all, it's pretty affordable too.

I have a second opinion appointment scheduled end of July but I'm hoping to be worked in sooner because I really just want ..a second opinion...ha...about the meds. There are several to choose from and each have their own list of pros and cons. So we'll see with all that.

Confession time. Today was really the first day I struggled with a bad attitude/frustration and reacted poorly to a couple of people's inquires at work. I felt immediately terrible and the Lord reminded me of His love and grace. By mid morning, He had restored my peace, joy and happiness even...and again, I got to go to surgery today so that was great!! We even had lunch catered two days in a row so I didn't have to wait till we were finished with clinic to grab food while walking to the O.R...haha it's the little things. And it's those same little things that remind me over and over again that I am rich. I am abundantly blessed. I have my needs met, my stomach fed, my heart full of joy and love, and more than all of that, I have a Savior, Redeemer, and Lord Who made me, called me, saved me and has given me NEW LIFE and the greatest purpose ever...To Bring Him GLORY.

I pray that I will be faithful during times of frustration. I pray that I will be patient as the Lord teaches me to trust Him more fully, to pour out my heart to HIM and to walk WITH Him. I pray that others will long to know the FULLNESS of His love through Christ Jesus Who removed the separation between us and God by paying our penalty for sin on the cross. Jesus is the only way possible to have communion...sweet amazing full communion with the Father.

"O taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man that takes refuge in Him. Ps 34.8"

Can we say...WHIRLWIND!?!

India was amazing and I could write all day on how amazing, hard, beautiful, exciting, stretching, challenging, wonderful and awesome our trip was. I want to tell you about getting chosen to return to Pastor Raju's house church, share my testimony, see familiar faces and hug their necks. I want to tell you about how VBS went from an expected 1,000 kids to up to 1,500 kids!! And how chaotic and discouraging the first day was. But how amazingly as we prayed over the worship room, prayed as a group, individually, and in our team meeting asking God to dispell the spirit of chaos, to calm the children to prepare them to receive his Word, to give us tangible evidence of Him...and how He SHOWED UP!!! Tuesday was like a COMPLETELY different day. It was also the day I met B-ita.
Annie and I split the four 8-10yr old classes, so we had two each. Translation nightmare the first day was completely resolved the rest of the week. B-ita was actually the teacher AND translator in my second room. I new she was a believer just by watching her with the children. Every morning I'd enter and the kids would stand at their desk and proclaim "GOOD MORNING MA'AM!" Then she would have them say thier name and take roll. She's ask me to pray and we'd begin. I taught and did craft in her room first every day, completed the second class and then return to hers, where we'd usually sit and chat while kids were coloring. "I want to tell you my story" she said on Wed. And she disclosed how she was raised Hindu but begin secretly reading the bible early mornings and late nights so her family wouldn't find out. But they did. And they beat her. But she kept reading and felt no pain. Just pain that they didn't know this Jesus. Oh but God moved, changed their hearts and they are Christ followers! She's in her mid 20s and married a young pastor last year--and they have a small fellowship of 20 families, including her parents! Thursday she confessed she is 4 months pregnant!! Finally, they are preparing to move away from the city to a Muslim area because they feel called to start a new fellowship there among non-believers. Wow. God is moving in INDIA!!!!!

After the first lesson about God sending Jesus to call people to be part of His family (ie disciples) and the second lesson about how God uses the bible, the witness of others, our questions, and even conviction of sin to bring people to Himself, B-ita told me one of my students took off his Hindu idol necklaces and bracelets and threw them away because he wanted to follow God! The 4th day, we taught how God can change even his enemies hearts to follow Him (ie Saul became Paul when he encountered Jesus Christ on the road to Damascus)...I asked if anyone knew an enemy of God--fully preparing to say, well then how can we pray for them? That God would change their hearts to follow Him.....but before I could even get that far, a young girl on the front row raised her hand, pointed to the precious little girl next to her and said "Her parents are enemies of God!" Momentarily caught off guard, I began to speak when B-ita walked over to the sweet girl, spoke to her in Hindi (sharing her own story of her own parents) and asked if she wanted us to pray for her. So B-ita and I laid hands on this sweet child and prayed out lound. Hindi and English to the Father's ears interceding for this sweet girl and her family to Know the ONE TRUE GOD. Oh wow. I was walking on the CLOUDS all week. Speechless. Humbled. Amazed. Wowed. Awe-inspired. God took me to India to love B-ita, my sweet new friend. To teach these kids His truth, and to learn that He is SO MUCH BIGGER than I will ever comprehend. He didn't need me to go there. But He gave me the most amazing privilege I could have ever asked for. To be a part of His eternal Kingdom work. hm.

AND THEN....
I got home from India Sun night, got in bed around midnight, hit the ground running at work because it was CRAZY, picked my dad up from the airport on Thursday, looked at townhouses on Friday, he wasn't impressed. So he asked that I'd look at a new development he'd researched on the web and we drove out there Saturday. We stumbled up a brand new house in a wonderful new subdivision with a pool/club house where people WAVE at you as you pass. All the builder upgrades, front load washer/dryer, granite, hardwoods, stainless appliance pack, front/back porch, oh and they are throwing in the fence too. HA. I had to think. Just ponder. This is huge!!!

Sunday, dad and I went golfing and then he left. I spent intense time writing out my prayers/fears/worries/asking for wisdom, etc. And then walked in to church where the sermon was on the Fatherhood of God. Um WOW. Thanks dad and thank you HEAVENLY FATHER! I felt immediate peace as so many of my written prayers were addressed in the sermon. I wrote a contract on the house on Monday afternoon with my roommate (who is super excited; yet another confirmation!!).AND THEN>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I woke up Tuesday morning with limited to no vision in my left eye. After realizing sewing my first total hip surgery was more of a challenge than I desired, and my doc telling me to get my eye checked, I left the O.R. I went UPSTAIRS and saw an optometrist, an opthamologist, and she referred me instantly to a neurologist. I got an MRI, with and without contrast, and blood work. I knew I had optic neuritis. And I knew that was potentially bad. Wednesday morning I met with the neurologist who confirmed the MRI showed I had Multiple Sclerosis and the optic neuritis was my first "attack." I WALKED over to the infusion room where I started my 1st (of 5) hour long infusions of steriods to get my vision back. WOw.

Okay recap. Within 24hrs I had seen 3 specialist, had an MRI, bloodwork, a diagnosis and was starting treatment. ALL BECAUSE OF MY OCCUPATION! I am so incredibly blessed to work where I do. And it is yet ANOTHER confirmation that this house thing was the right choice because looks like I'll be in B'ham for awhile with my neurologist until we can get this new diagnosis under control.What a difference a day makes!!!! His mercies are truly new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. I will embrace this new life challenge. I will be thankful it's not cancer or a brain tumor (and continue to pray for Jonathan Bean who DOES have a brain tumor). I will pray earnestly as a child of the Great PHYSICIAN for complete healing and restoration of my eyesight. And I will trust Him to use this in my life for HIS purposes, HIS glory. I pray others would see His peace in me and wonder how I have it. I can't wait to tell them about My GOD!

I begin beta-interfuron injections in my stomach 3x week for the rest of my life (or until they come out with an oral med which should be in the next 5yrs!)...and this will help slow the progression of the disease and make "attacks" less frequent. So many people live a normal, manageable life and have families, kids, careers.

Lord, You formed me in my mothers womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That my soul knows VERY WELL. ~Psalm 139

#Blessed

War and Peace

It's almost 1am and I still have more clothes on my bed than in my suitcase. BUT..I do have packed: a book and a note and a surprise for Jessica, coffee and clothes for Kristina, a journal for JoJo, peanut butter and other treats for Gloria, and boots and school supplies for Kristina too. Oh, and all of our VBS craft supplies (well, my portion, these were equally split up thankfully!)...

At this rate, I may or may not be clothed during my week in India!?! Of course, it IS 110+ degrees there currently. So hey, may not be so bad after all ;)

Really, the point of my post is to remind myself, and you of course, just how the Lord has directed so many steps along the way leading up to this trip. Because, to be honest, these past three days have been difficult. And I was enlightened by the rest of our team at our final meeting last night, that they too are experiencing increased difficulty this week. Health issues, family sickness, job issues, family job loss, house transitions, kid transitions, frustrations, feelings of unpreparedness, fatigue, and faintheartedness.

But do you know why? Because what is about to transpire is a threat to a very real power:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. Ephesians 6:10-20

And also, there is a very big battle going on in the heavenly realms. We get a glimpse of that fact from the prophet Daniel:

And behold, a hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly loved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for now I have been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. 12 Then he said to me, “Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words. 13 The prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days, but Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I was left there with the kings of Persia, 14 and came to make you understand what is to happen to your people in the latter days. For the vision is for days yet to come.” When he had spoken to me according to these words, I turned my face toward the ground and was mute. 16 And behold, one in the likeness of the children of man touched my lips. Then I opened my mouth and spoke. I said to him who stood before me, “O my lord, by reason of the vision pains have come upon me, and I retain no strength. 17 How can my lord's servant talk with my lord? For now no strength remains in me, and no breath is left in me.” Again one having the appearance of a man touched me and strengthened me. 19 And he said, “O man greatly loved, fear not, peace be with you; be strong and of good courage.” And as he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.” 20 Then he said, “Do you know why I have come to you? But now I will return to fight against the prince of Persia; and when I go out, behold, the prince of Greece will come. 21 But I will tell you what is inscribed in the book of truth: there is none who contends by my side against these except Michael, your prince. Daniel 10:10-21

So we spent a large portion of our evening in prayer to the One True God. We rely on Him, need Him and have nothing to offer without HIM. And I was able to spend a refreshing evening with my sweet friend Heidi and her children. We prayed together and Isaiah (3ys) thanked God for Miss Karen and shorts. I meeeaaaaannnn....how amazing is that. I love that little guy! Heidi prayed over me and for our team; I came home to find a sweet treat and notebook with a prayer on a note from Ashley, and then was able to continue my refreshing with sweet Cierra and Audrie over a big juicy hamburger (did I mention I'm going to India?). Ci prayed over me as well and seriously, the presence of the Lord feels like a blanket of peace wrapped around me.

I'm so thankful for the preparation, the VBS lesson we'll be teaching and the vivid illustrations that make up our teaching time with these kids. It's as if I gave only a small few of you a sticker on your hand. Then, I offered candy to all of you but qualified it by saying only those with a sticker can have a piece of candy. You have a sticker problem if you don't have a sticker. Is there anything you can do about your sticker problem? Can you change my requirement? No. Can you create a sticker out of nothing? No. Well now what? You can do nothing about your sticker problem. But...I can do something. I won't change my requirement. You still need a sticker to get candy. BUT. I can give EVERYONE a sticker. And thus, all a piece of candy.

And so it is with the One True God. His requirement to be a part of His family, to be with Him eternally in Heaven, is righteousness. But, we have a sin problem. We can do nothing about our sin problem. It is our essence, our nature. Not just what we do, but who we are. Nor will a HOLY God change his requirement of righteousness. BUT...what He can do, is extend righteousness to all of us. And He DID! Through the shed blood of a sinless Man as Jesus took our sin upon himself at His death on the cross. Now, the bible says, Whosoever (ie: anyone) believes in Him (on Him...for salvation from death and separation) should not perish but have eternal life....to those who called upon Him, He gave the right to be called children of God!

Praise OUR GOD!

The Countdown BEGINS!

WOW. So many amazing and wonderful blessings to share these past few weeks!!

Let's start with just how many wonderful people I have met through my church faith family...and gotten so close to, and watched as the Lord has called them other places, to other countries. I am so thankful for Kristina and Jessica. For the Nichols and Coe families. And for Brook and Heidi. It's so amazing how just several months ago, I was in India meeting the Landge family and hanging with my new Indian brother, Jojo...and then he came to the states and we spent six months in true fellowship. I met so many wonderful brothers and sisters THROUGH Jojo and his passion for people and for Christ. Now he is back in India...and I'm going there in 10 days!!!! It's come full circle. Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! (Romans 11:33)!!

Also this past week, I was able to travel home to FL and spend time in Tampa, Clearwater Beach, and Merritt Island...soaking up time with friends, mentors, family and the Lord. My favorite place on the planet is sitting with my bible and praying on the beach in the cool breeze and perfectly blue sky. The water was SO CLEAR and the temperature was mid70s. I serioulsy could have stayed there forever.

While I was gone, another wonderful blessing, my new roommate was moving in so that not only did I have a sweet ride home from the airport...I had an apt full of boxes!! YAY! That means yet another chapter of "the roommates of Karen Connor" has begun. So many times of fun, fellowship and fitness ahead :)

Lastly, we had our last India team meeting before our last India team meeting last Sunday. Ha. Yes, it was our last pre-scheduled meeting during which we realized we need yet another "last" meeting to wrap up and truly prepare with excellence. I love this TEAM!!!!! We are truly uniting in heart and Spirit and I cannot WAIT to see what the Lord will do through us. Each member is perfectly suited for the needed roles...we have a musician who choreographed all the songs! We have three men that WANT to be master teachers and are PUMPED about it! We have fabulously creative people who thought up and planned all the crafts. We have athletes who have planned all the recreation. We have artists who have designed the room decor, and we have an amazingly enthusiastic team leader who CHALLENGES us with her faith, passion, love, and excitement!!

I will be working with 8/9/10 year olds and helping with music. I've also been asked to be the official "first aide" lady for any injuries. Ha. Nice.

We long to impart to these slum kids that they have value because they have a Loving Creator, they are special because God is calling them to know Him. And that Jesus died for their sins to make it possible for each one of them to have a personal relationship with the ONE TRUE GOD!

We'll be working along side the Indian national teachers and translators who work hard every year to provide this opportunity for the kids to get out of the slums and get into the city and be loved on, taught, poured into, fed, and taught the Truth of the Gospel.

I can only begin to tell you just how FULL my cup is to overflowing with so many wonderful "lovies" from my Father in Heaven! I long to pour my self out on His behalf and for His glory... in my family, in my friendships, at work, in my faith family, and in other contexts around the world as the Lord calls.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” (Romans 8:15)

Learning How to Love

Steven Curtis Chapman's son Caleb has a band by that name and it's pretty legit! Here's the lyrics to a favorite song of his...look them up on iTunes!!! Or click the song title (link) for a poor recording attempt from a live concert..he's such a little cutie.

LEARNING HOW TO LOVE

By Caleb

Say, they say that trust it takes time.

That it’s a mountain to climb.

I think that I am the reason why.

Break,

I’ve broken promises made.

I’ve shaken ground that’s been laid.

And built these walls to protect my pride.

I think I’m falling apart at the seams.

And it seems they’re unraveling, as usual.

CHORUS:

I’ve been waiting for… things to change in my heart again.

I’ve been changing… while waiting,

I’ll be taking steps for YOU.

I’ve been changed,

But I’m still learning how to Love.

I’m still learning how to Love.

Take me.

I feared that love wouldn’t take me.

I feared that Grace was a maybe.

I feared the cost of my broken word.

Trust me.

You took my hand and said “Trust Me.

You took my heart and said “Love Me.

With who you are not with who you were.

Why do I run to the things that I don’t want to do

What’s the problem here?

I’ve felt Love that’s been true

But continued to unravel still…

CHORUS

Refrain:

Oh these storms I know

These battles of the soul

The scars that start to show

While learning how, learning how, I am learning how to Love…..

CHORUS